i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
