I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i now understand why vodka
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize