Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
