Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize