I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
