Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
