i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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