there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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