I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
