I molested 6 butterflies tonight
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
