I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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