Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
