why didn't you poke me back
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize