and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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