So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
