Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
