the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
