3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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