I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
