We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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