I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
