This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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