ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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