My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
