I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
