Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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