just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
