I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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