I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Randomize
