So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
