I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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