god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
