If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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