we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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