Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
