what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
