Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
