Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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