do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
