while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
