I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
