Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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