you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
