so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
