I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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