I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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