I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
