Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
