Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
