all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
