awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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