i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
