the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
