Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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