Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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