Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
