god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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