Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
