You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
