She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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