thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
