Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
