Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
