You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
