My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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