tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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