There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
