i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
